I HATE CLOWNS!

 

[caption id="attachment_3661" align="alignright" width="100" caption="Pulp Fiction gone too far..."].

KISS YOUR GOALS GOODBYE! Keep. It. Simple. Stupid.

To tell you the truth, neither one of this weeks topics thrilled me. I've been 'forever' perfecting a story outline that thinks outside-the-box for the attention disorder that cycles with my bi-polarism (close, but no hookah smoking orange cream flavor to scream "Eureka" as I jump from the bathtub and run naked down the street.)

I also felt a little funky chatting about setting realistic goals for writing. After all, I'm the one who still thinks it's fun to take the adult son up on his challenge to eat a 2 pound "shamu" burger without training for it first (I mean, come on! I've rocked premie babies who weighed less than what I was wolfing down!)

However, I decided to go with the lesser of two evils - and chose to write about setting realistic writing goals. Yeah. This coming from someone born under the sign of Capricorn (as many sea-goats sport tunnel vision when it comes to their goals. They disregard everything else - family, friends, even their own emotions - while in pursuit of their goal.) I was also born in the Chinese year of the Dragon, which may explain how I HAD to learn to temper my 'Let's go get 'em' goal attitude, as Dragons are extremely tenacious.

So, out of years of trial and error (heavy on the error part), I've come up with the surefire formula for goal setting, guaranteed to work for Capricorn/Dragon/bi-polar/eccentrics like me who are ready to kiss their goals goodbye -- because they'll be looking at their accomplishments in the rear view mirror of life.

Don't believe me? Then, my doubting friends, read on.

The plan is based on the anagram K.I.S.S. = Keep it simple stupid.

Now, this is not to be mixed up with Margie Lawson's wonderful DUH plan =

1. Do it first -- or as close to first as humanly possible


2. Understand that it will be inconvenient and/or difficult and do it anyway


3. Hurray! Celebrate! You did it!

The main objective in KISS is just that - keep your goals simple, realistic, specific, manageable, and attainable, while still being able to live life, act like a human, breathe, eat, sleep and have sex.

Espesically the 'have sex' part. Really important there, especially if you want to write a great romance.

Before I get into the fundementals of what has helped me maintain a healthy set of realistic writing goals, I would like to take a moment to mention something about the concept of 'time management.'

It does not exist.

No such animal.

A made up term that belongs in the last century, along with dentists who drill on teeth without novocaine or gas.

Think about it. Time can't be managed. Time is uncontrollable and we can only manage ourselves and our use of time.

From now on, refer to this snagfu as "self management." And it's up to YOU to stop making excuses, get off your duff and do something other than complain and whine about not being able to reach your goals.

Now, with that being said, there are common "time wasters" dancing like dust faries with the toys in our attics.

I'm talking controllable things like personal disorganization, your inability to say "No" to anybody with a request, interruptions such as the telephone, email, TV or drop in visitors ("Have you got a minute?"), stress, anxiety and fatigue, procrastination (what are you avoiding?), conflicting schedules with children's or spouse's activities, indecision, ineffective delegation (come on, do you have to do it all?), acting without total information/ignorance, dealing with other people’s issues or problems, unclear communication, unclear objectives and priorities, lack of planning.

Get the point?

No approach to realistic goal setting for writing your novel is gonna work if you don't get the other crap straightened out first. Period.

One last point before I lay down the blueprints that will change your life.

You need to get a firm grip on reality. Take off the purple and round John Lennon glasses and remember you are wearing big-boy underpants (and in some cases, a few are in frilly white lacey things that would make Ernest Hemingway bristle with envy).

If you're working full-time and are coaching little league three times a week or are a big time Scout Master with duties at home: think. What are your priorities? Where will you make the time to write?

If this is your second time around in the relationship department and you have a revolving door of his kids/her kids every weekend: think. When? Where? Be concious of your decisions and stick to them.

If you work outside the home, have two kids and a husband who doesn't lift a finger for mealtime, bath time or homework - are you really gonna set a goal of writing 3 hours a day? How are you gonna manage?

Don't get me wrong. It's alright to stretch yourself (in fact, you want to), but it's not alright to stretch yourself beyond a sensible limit. Unrealistic goals will have you crying like a little girl. Before you know it, you admit defeat and run to the refridgerator, right into the arms of Ben and Jerry.

For the sake of your hips, you really want to avoid this ice cream scenerio (well, unless B & J were part of the making time for sex chat we had earlier, but then that would be just too kinky even for me and I'm not going there).

After you've given honest assessment of your current situation and have dealt with all the time wasters, proceed with this simple, yet effective plan.

1. Set your time goals.
Some writers decide on a specific amount of time they are going to spend writing each day. Whether they can only manage half an hour or are able to devote 8 hours a day to their craft, they sit themselves down at their desk and they stay there until that goal has been met.

This is also where they give themselves a time limit. A self imposed deadline or a publisher's submitance deadline. Maybe even a holiday deadline. It's up to you, how much you are willing to write and how stretchable you are (within reason). See? Simple!

2. Set a time to write.
If you really want to be invested in your writing goals, then you need to take this first step seriously. Again - it doesn't have to be a huge hunk of time. Just some 'time' - an hour? 90 minutes? More? Less? Your choice. Keep it simple and attainable.

You may be a morning person and most creative then, or like to write in the evening when the day's work is done. No matter. Set this block of time aside everyday when you'll be writing. This doesn't mean every moment of that time is going to be devoted exclusively to writing. It does mean that the daily discipline of being there sets the standard for your craft. See? Simple!

3. Set page goals.
If the time you spend at the desk doesn't feel right for you, set a minimum number of pages to write per day. Whether it's 1 or 5 or 10 pages a day, set your goal and stick to it.  I tend to shoot for 3 pages a day and on the nights I don't sleep well, I allow myself a page or a page and a half. Maybe off set some with editing what I did do the week before. See? Simple!

4. Set aside a special place to write.
This can be a certain room in your house or even a special place at the kitchen table or elsewhere. For a couple of years, I actually did my writing in the bathroom closet.  (insert - and yes, I have a ton of coming out of the bathroom closet jokes.) Wherever you can carve out a spot, do it. Then, when you sit down there at your appointed time your focus is on writing. See? Simple!

5. Decide when to stop.
Whether or not you have spent your alotted time or finished the number of pages you set for your daily goal, it's alright to stop. But, it's a good rule to stop just before you reach the end of what you want to say. By stopping there, you will automatically have a place to start the next day. See? Simple!

6. Focus!

Really concentrate on the goals you want to accomplish, and be as specific as possible. Don't say "write a book." That's too vague of a goal to lead to any direct action. Say "write a paranormal mystery story for Kensington that has a Christmas theme," or something to that affect. Embellish your statements to make them clearer.  See? Simple!

7. I challenge thee...


Make your goals challenging, but not impossible. Writing down "write seven 90,000 word novels in a year" is not only stupid, but it will become obvious so early that you'll probably stop pursuing the goal altogether. And what of the story line quality? It would suck. Trust me. Stating something more doable, like 3-4 stories, will challenge, but, in the end, you'll still have a life and will still be writing. See? Simple!

8. Sins of the Past

List the reasons that your writing has failed in the past. Not to self flagellate in the wee hours of a bad day, but to steer you back on the path to submitting your book!  Look; what tendencies derailed you before you could even get started? I find by identifying the barriers that brought me to a halt previously, I will be more aware and breeze on by them, rushing to the victory line. See? Simple!

See? Simple. Realistic. And plenty of time for a healthy sex life.

Now, get started immediately. Keep going, don't stop, and don't skip listing your failures. If you don't address them, you'll be doomed to repeat the same mistakes again and again. Till next time, KISS - Keep it simple, stupid!

As Serious As I Get...

As most of you are well aware of, I write GLBT romance with elements of humor and suspense, and do so with pride and confidence. My concentration lies among the premises of M/M and f2M stories, though I have been known to weave a few bi and F/F tales as well. With that being said, there is nothing in the world I love more than writing in my preferred genre.

There isn’t much I would change within the writing world of GLBT itself. A damn good book is a damn good book, regardless of who, what, when, or why it was written. But, not everyone holds with that philosophy. Especially the judgmental and the bigoted.

Instead of finding five things I wish more of in GLBT romance, I find myself focused on the five things I wish reflected on GLBT in all its different genres.

In other words, I wish all the editors, writers, publishers, booksellers, contests throwers, literature award givers and anyone else related to the book industry would get an attitude adjustment and stop treating the GLBT (on the whole) like a redheaded step-child. These so called professionals need to buck-up and get a healthy dose of diversified reality.

We are here.
Some writers are NOT queer.
The closets are empty or at least organized.
Our stories are ready to be put on the shelves in public libraries, mall bookstores and in the homes of readers.

Yes, that means not every damn GLBT fictional story (romantic or not) is gonna be classified as erotica. We have queer young adults, children who live with transgendered parents and great homosexual historical figures no matter how much society has tried to change the fact.

Before I go off on a different tangent, here are my top 5 things I wish GLBT romance (and GLBT writing on the whole) had more of.

1. The recognition it deserves:
With the onslaught of e-publishing, books once considered too risky to be caught purchasing at the local GLBT bookstore or the nearest Barnes and Nobles can now be discreetly ordered as an e-book and read by a plethora of electronic gadgets.

With that being said, the doors have opened wide, introducing straight readers and closeted queers to some prime GLBT fiction. These stories are using major gay characters anyone can identify/sympathize with in a variety of plots rivaling anything remotely heterosexual.

So, why is it so damn hard to find mortar bookstores who will actually have more than a shelf of nothing but non-fiction gender studies that are such dry reading you need eye drops? Why do sales managers (or print publishers at conventions) snicker behind your back when you walk away after requesting them to ‘beef up’ the GLBT fiction section? Why are NYC old school boys not taking GLBT fiction seriously? Why isn’t there more exposure in magazines such as Romantic Times? Why aren’t there more agents getting the word out there that they handle GLBT fiction?

GLBT fiction has come a long way. It is powerful, strong and here to stay. Get with the program, people.

2. More honest ‘stereotypes:
Yes. You read that right. All this ‘political correct’ crap has this writer’s balls in a vice. And I don’t like it.

It is a fact of life. There are fags. There are fairies. There are limp-wristed and lisping flamers, as well as all the images one associates with the butch-dykes, femmies, leather daddies, Teddy Bears, Cubs, Twinks, and a multitude of other stereotypes. Just as there are the same who profess to be these labels, yet look like Mr. Wall Street or Ms. Universe.

The thing is, we all need to grow up here. Remember sticks and stones will break one’s bones, but names will never hurt you? Yeah, names hurt, but I wear big boy pants now. I would rather be called a fag lover than to get queer bashed outside the football stadium because I don’t meet the status quo of the politically correct image of a GLBT person.

Stereotypes will never go away, because they are a part of real life. It is up to us, as writers, to help show the diversity of these people - and how can we if we get nailed every time we pen a typical stereotype? I mean, it’s crazy. They exist whether or not they are written or talked about. Lighten up, people!

3. A diversity of employment opportunities among the characters:
Okay, I don’t know about you, but with my taste of reality in the world, not only is there a multicultural exchange, but the employment opportunities for GLBT folks are unlimited. Unfortunately, in GLBT fiction it seems to be stuck in the same circles. Lawyers. Doctors. Police. Cowboys. Military. Porn stars. Rent Boys.

Hmmm. Nice. However, what about the mailman? The oil change guy? The clerk at 7-11? The librarian? The Geek Squad? The janitor? The sales rep? The Department of Motor Vehicles employee? The waitress down at Granny’s home cooking? As a matter of fact, what about Granny herself?

I know, someone will post and say, “Well, I just read a story about a queer video store clerk last week, so phffft on you.” Okay. That’s one ringie-dingie. But, in the overall range of GLBT fiction, you have to admit the majority of the stories center around the same boring careers.

Let’s allow some alternative career opportunities for our GLBT characters, shall we?  Consider it personal growth and job security in these economically, depressing times.

4. A visable presence in the public libraries:
I guess this beef could go along with the complaint of the lack of GLBT fiction in brick and mortar stores. Yet, I do feel this is on a different playing field. The lack of GLBT fiction in our public libraries.

Get this. I recently go into a small town library. It’s nice, in a well kept building, up-to-date computer system, many new books, community rooms, money for summer reading programs, etc. I check out the GLBT non-fiction. One book. There is nothing for GLBT fiction.

I speak to the director of the library. I offered to donate $3,000 to the library to start a GLBT fiction section. I even promise to supply them with a list of the top 50 GLBT best selling fiction as a starting point. She said no - they couldn’t accept a donation like that because any and all money would be put in an account and dispersed among the regularly needed programs in the library.

Not to be undermined, I offered to take that same $3,000 and BUY the GLBT fiction books myself, then donate the collection to the library just so they could have some works for the GLBT community in and out of the closet.

Do you know what she said?

They would gladly take the books, and turn around to sell them for a dollar at the ‘friends of the library’ book sale - so they can use the money to get what the public ‘really wants.’

I can’t see, how a library, which is funded by the state and the government, can operate with a clear prejudice towards the GLBT community and get away with it.  If this were the African-American studies, or the Christianity section, they would not take this lying down. A ruckus would be heard for sure!

Yet, our libraries, here in the USA are getting away with legalized GLBT banishment, in the name of 'budgeting programs. Once again some super GLBT fiction of all genres is being tossed aside, and great GLBT authors go unrecognized.

5. More opportunities for contests:
LISTEN UP  ~ RWA and other contest officials! GLBT romances (or other fictional works) do NOT have to be erotic! STOP lumping us under this heading. If you want to categorize us, place us under GLBT and go onward.

I am so tired of reading through the contest rules and regulations, sending in my masterworks only to find I’ve been disqualified because it was a GLBT story. “BUT, it wasn’t erotic.” No matter. If it has two of the same sex hugging and kissing or even batting eyes at each other, it is lumped as erotic.

The erotic contest folks will look at a ‘sweet’ or plain vanilla, fade-to-dark bedroom door closed scene - and laugh their butts off.

And if you are a straight person writing GLBT fiction, Lambda will totally dismiss you as an annoying fruit fly.

It’s a no win situation.

I would like to suggest, in all fairness, those associated with the Lambda (the organization who recognizes gay writers and gay publishing) after all the years they allowed straight people to receive awards only to pull that plug out two years ago, stating "Our award celebrates GLBT people, not writing" perhaps this backwards way of thinking is walking a tight rope named reverse prejudice? Maybe they should think about adding a catagory that looks at the writing of the book and not what the author does in bed?

And what about the people who run story contests make it CLEAR if they will accept GLBT/alternative lifestyle stories. In this day and age, it is ridiculous to find out your story has been rejected because someone is too prudish to admit GLBT fiction (romantic and otherwise) does exists and, no matter how much one tries to ignore it, it will not go away.  Just like me.

...And the winner of who my favorite author is..., ME!

Yes, you read that right.

I, George Allwynn, aspiring author, oddity at large, and all around charming person - claim myself as my favorite author. I believe in my magic to tell an interesting yarn, and I recommend myself to anyone, anywhere, who wants to read a damn good story.

I just have to get a book published!

This isn't a case of swaggering egotism. Nor am I passing it off as my sore attempt at humor. I truly love what I write, not because I am a great writer, but because I am passionate about writing. And when I am passionate about the subject I am writing about, the story radiates with a life force of it's own!

My characters react with vitality, my scenes have spirit, and my plots entice readers..., "Come! Experience a story I wrote especially for you."

Or so I would hope that is how my stories are perceived. Especially for anyone who craves a GLBT romantic suspense with an element of humor.

Seriously, growing up in a world where good, GLBT fiction was scarce on any level, I was left to read books about other people. You know, people, different from me, leaving me feel as if me and 'my kind' weren't good enough to have stories or televison programs or songs written about.

In my naive state of mind, I decided to write what I wanted to read. What I wish I could find to read or to watch on TV or hear on the radio. Then, I could share these with people like me. I mean, there had to be others out there like me, right? Because God didn't make mistakes - that is what my Sunday School teacher told me

If I took up a pencil and paper, what I knew to be true in my heart would, somehow, translate to be true on the page as well as true in life.

So, I wrote.

I wrote the stories I wanted to read. I wrote stories for what I wanted to see on television (which was later termed fan-fic.) I re-wrote the words I wanted to hear to the popular songs played on the radio.

And, when I courageously handed my beautiful stories over...

I got laughed at.

Ridiculed.

Threatened.

Abused emotionally by peers, teachers, relatives...

And, at some point, physically hurt by those who swore it was their duty to 'straighten' me out

Yet, my veins don't run with mere blood. It's a mixture of ink, insanity, stubborness and determination (shaken, not stirred.) Whether penned in secret or disguised by using unisexed names and other cues (taught to me by my lesbian high school Art/World History teacher), I kept writing the stories I wanted to read. Why? Because someone had to.

I was bored and in desparate need to read - to entertain myself in a fictional world where I could escape modern day cruelity and bask in the fantasy that, one day, people like me would have their own books - written with pride, with zeal, and with an ardor no longer tethered to heterosexual mandates or secret coding.

Thirty years later, I gathered my courage and decided to take my little hobby over the rainbow. I am still aspiring - a work in progress. I know my stories aren't for everyone. My grammer and sentence structure (among a few other things) go against the grain of 'Acceptable Publishing Rules.'

By secular terms, I'll never be a popular, celebrated author. I will never be a New York published author, because I refuse to sell out my life-blood to become another cookie cutter factory voice, force-fed to a population of readers who hunger for originality, flavor and variety.

I won't rank among Ernest Hemingway, Sir Arthur Canon Doyle or Harper Lee. I can't claim to be a Truman Captoe, a Victor J Banis or a J.L. Langly. Heck, I can't even hold a candle next to my friend D.C. Juris - at least he has some publishing bragging rights to stuff down his trousers.

However, through my own blood, sweat and tears, my stories have earned the right to be loved, appreciated and read several times over. I deserve to be somebody's favorite author.

Even if that somebody is me.

Remember the authors motto:  You gotta love what you write.

Ebooks..., The Musical

E-books…, The Musical.

(with apologies to Gene Roddenberry, Don McLean, David Lee Roth, The Beatles, R.E.M., and Elvis Costello)

“…E-books. The final publishing frontier. These are my thoughts of the dying throws of print books. In five years, the E-book’s mission will be closer to completion. To save trees and land refuge from toxic inks and chemicals. To encourage local print book recycling. To boldly go forth, replacing as many paperbacks and hard covers in family homes across this world as possible…”

Yes. It’s kinda melodramatic for a beginning. But it hooked your attention, didn’t it?

Seriously though, there should be no doubt in your mind. I freakin’ love and embrace the whole wondrous world of e-books, e-publishers, e-readers and e-prices.

Maybe it’s the Star Trek geek in me. After all, anyone who grew up idolizing the crew of the Starship Enterprise knew without a doubt print books would be replaced by a computer-like hand held device. Look at the stats today – since the late 60’s television show, many of today’s computerized medical gadgets and other devices give their homage to the great vision Star Trek created within a generation of self-proclaimed geeks.

But, I digress. And I know you are all aquiver with anticipation over the E-book musical.

Yet, before I break into song, I need to say: E-books are a reality. They are here to stay. They are so convenient – I have over 3,000 e-books in my library right now, and can store 350 on my e-reader device. And who says you can’t cuddle with them? I do, in a fuzzy blanket with hot cocoa next to me. I even take them in the bath tub, to the beach, standing in line in the grocery story, sitting on the toilet – you name it, my e-reader has been there, and cuddled with.

As for smelling? Ummm, some of us are allergic to the dust and musty smell that comes from older tomes. If I really want my e-readers to smell, I won’t wash my hands after handling garlic. Oh, joy!

In five years, where do I see e-books? Growing stronger, increasing in numbers and on the virtual horizon, in an amazing explosion of unique, spirited reads, bringing back the joy of the reading experience and breathing a fresh breath of life into the bland, cookie cutter voice of the current New York old school published books.

This generation will never give up their paper books entirely. But, a future generation probably won't care.

And now, my musical tribute to e-books and the bright future they bring:

(To the tune of American Pie by Don McLean)

…So goodbye to paper and hard cover prints,
E-books have arrived, they’re alive, time to split.
Them old pub houses are crying in their fancy beers,
Sayin’ “The coming of the future is here; book publishing is changing, we fear…”

(To the tune of California Girls by David Lee Roth)

“…Well, the mystery books are cool – I’m into the crimes they solve.
And historical tales with their ‘action’ facts – make me feel like I’m involved.
The urban fantasy novel – with that ‘paranormal’ bite.
And the romance story with such sensual scenes – keeps me cozy and warm at night.
(I dig them reads!)
I wish they all could be awesome E-books for me! I wish they all could be uber E-books for me….”

(To the tune of Paperback Writer by the Beatles)

“…Dear E-pub owner will you read my work?
It took me months to type will you take a look?
It’s based on my life of fantasy and need,
I’m wild and free cuz’ I was born to be
An E-book author…, E-book author!”

(To the tune of ‘It’s The End of the World As We Know It” by R.E.M)

“…It’s the end of the pub world as we know it, and I feel fine….”

(To the tune of “Give Peace a Chance” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono)

“…all I am saying, give E-books a chance…”

So, do you have a song you would like to tribute to “E-book – the Musical?” I tell ya, if I can’t take the writing world by storm, I’m heading to Broadway for a musical. Either way, New York City will never be the same again!

Authors Bio: Where am I and Why am I in this Handbasket?

For the purposes of this blog, we authors are introducing ourselves this week.

I found it quite odd to think someone may be remotely interested in my fledgling pedigree. But alas! I do have a vain side, so read further - if you dare - and peek into the zany world of George Allwynn, a simple, gender queer person who amuses some, annoys others, and in the end, remains refreshingly genuine to a fault.

I have been caught eavesdropping. Purely for research purposes, I assure you. Yet, there have been times I have over heard people describe me as being eccentric, elective and effusive.

Of course, other colorful, yet less desirable attributes have been attached to my personality, but I am trying really hard to keep this blog rated PG.

Overall, I have an 'indie' spirit, and devote my time and money in support to the indie industry (films, art, music.) The delight of discovering life outside the box, the uniqueness of individuality it embraces and the expressions of the human spirit leave me in awe.

With that in mind, my bohemian spirit loves independent writers, e-publishing and all small presses that support the Indie thought. Indie (or e-publishing) won't leave me rich or famous, but it doesn't matter. Staying true to my self purpose, writing the prose that best expresses my author's spirit, and experiencing the journey with humility and grace is what I hope to accomplish during this mid-life wake up call.

I was born and bred in Northern Michigan - and have basically lived here all my life with the exception of a military stint down in Fort Bragg, NC during Desert Storm.

I am the only one left in my family, save for my two adult children, my son, Kelley (pictured with me above at a hooka bar in Royal Oak) who is 27 and lives with his girlfriend of 3 years in the metro area of Detroit, and daughter Kerri 26 years old who married her child hood sweet heart Randal Lee, giving me two grandsons, Trenton Lee (6 years) and Devon (9 months). They live in Dalton Georgia. I am fortunate to have my ambitions supported and encouraged by such wonderful offspring. (Even though they roll their eyes when they explain me to their friends. At least they do it with pride in their voices and a smile on their lips!)

This past June, I starting my life over, by moving cross state to Western Michigan, in a small town where there is no cell tower and dial-up is considered high-tech. I live in a small, studio apartment like place with my dog Holly (a yellow lab/golden retriever/beagle mix) and a fat, snowshoe looking Siamese named Mrs. Jones. It's been a cultural shock - not only to me, but to the residents here. Not too many out-spoken, genderqueer writer folks walk the streets of this one horse town and live to tell about it.

My passions include: writing, reading, cats, tattoos, ANYTHING British, research, and green living. I'm an advocate for GLBT rights and have been 'blessed with bi-polarism with manic tendencies. Unfortunately, I've also been blessed with panic attacks and can become quite the recluse. Thank the gods I have friends ( both real, in my head and on the internet) that do not hesitate to kick me in my fat, hairy arse when I need it.

As for writing, I am a GLBT writer. I love to read (and write) M/M or F2M romance stories, with elements of suspense, paranormal, or some kind of odd twist. All penned with humor. Or what I hope readers consider as humor. Well, at least I laugh at what I write.

I've been writing M/M romance [i]before I knew what it was[/i] -- since 1975 (much to the chagrin of Mrs Vanderveer - my first critique.) To this present day, there are moments of self-doubt, I’m haunted by her words.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Under my nose, my fifth grade teacher shook my original, handwritten, 125 loose leaf page story, bound together with scraps of scarlet yarn. “Children your age don’t possess the ability to understand adult ideas.” Her acidic glare through dark framed glasses pinned me against a cabinet. “Where did you learn this?”

Before I could defend myself, the woman pinched her lips tight and examined me as an exterminator does a cockroach. “You’re an impertinent student and a deviant freak of nature. You’ll never possess the discipline to be successful author.”

Although I felt stung by the sharpness of her words, the tears came after hearing the hollow echo of my beautiful first book, tossed in to the old metal wastebasket.

So went my first experience as a writer.

But I continued to write. When I turned 13, I had my own column in the weekly county newspaper, gathering social news in my neighborhood. That job lasted for six years. I was High school editor of our newspaper for two years, year book editor for one. I was voted best story-teller in my senior year in high school and had a scholarship for journalism.

In the 80's I was heavily into Star Trek Slash fan fic (though during that decade - they were published in what was called 'fanzines' and sold at conventions under the tables!) I was 'published' under the name of D.Isaacs, and had like 10 or 12 stories that were novella length.

It was during this time, the 'don’t ask, don't tell' policy was not in effect, so I started an underground newsletter for the gay soldiers stationed at Fort Bragg and Pope Air Force base. It flourished for three years, until the onslaught of Desert Storm.

As adulthood led to larger responsibilities, my writing took a backseat. Time to devote to my passion seemed fruitless, in light of the life stresses and employment issues I faced. As each day passed, I continued the pattern of choosing reality over my fantasy stories, berating myself with guilt over stolen moments of writing pleasure.

The 90's brought in a radical change. Caught by the snare of religion, I felt condemned for using my writing talent in ways that wouldn’t glorify God (as the modern church perceives through man-made rules.) I was convinced to give up my writing and drawing as a sacrifice to God. I had to learn to control my desires and appreciate the gifts He had given me.

So, I traded my typewriter for a chance to have a real family and a clerical license. I became a chaplain, a devoted, faithful partner and later, the foster parent of 7 special need boys (10 years and down.)

In 2006, after a devastating fall out from a government court battle over adoption, I woke up in the ashes of destroyed dreams and once again pick up my sword..., errr, pen and started my healing process by writing. What a difference 20 years make when you add computers over ditto machines! My pen name became Sage Harrison.

In 2007, my successful slash serial on VH.net caught the eye of the two actors (and several of their friends and castmates.) so when I when I did an annual trek to NYC with some friends/internet fans, I met the two actors I wrote about. In a bizarre twist of fate, the actors picked apart my brain, asked for my autograph, swore up and down my writing was better than currently on the show, and encouraged me to stop hiding my talent and embrace my destiny - get serious about the writing and go for it...

In late 2008, I plunged into the choppy waters of the unforgiving world of professional publishing. There, I discovered E-pubs, M/M romance, and the fact I didn't know beans about 'professional' writing, all the rules and unforgiving grammar snafus'.

I went almost a year of doing nothing but taking various writing classes, to the point where I couldn't recognize my own writing voice. It was a sad wake up call. I no longer wanted to write, because I sounded like some kind of cookie-cutter writer being pushed out by New York Publishers. I hated writing, and hated me for being so anal retentive to every writer rule out there.

In 2010, a warm, wonderful publisher reminded me of something very important. Now that I 'know' what the 'rules' are, I can pick and choose which ones to beef up on, and which ones to ignore, thus, improving my voice even more.

So, that's me in a nut shell. A novice of sorts, trying to get it all straight in my head before my manuscripts decimate the desk of an unsuspecting, slightly neurotic editor on the verge of going totally daft if she sees one more submission sporting Pratchett Purple Prose...

And when I become published, I plan on laying my first book on the gravesite of Mrs. Vanderveer, my fifth grade teacher. God rest her soul

Writers and Mental Illness: Is There a Relation?

What is it about authors and mental health issues?

Is it a prerequisite?

A social trend?

A way to draw attention to their work?

This is a subject I have a serious interest in. I have been diagnosed as being bi-polar, with manic tendencies. That means some days, I swing better than Tarzan!

Looking back, this is something I have had most of my life (and with the current knowledge of today, can see it in past generations of family.) What was passed off as me being a 'brat' as a child, to a 'moody' teenager, on to an intelligent adult with anger issues, was later still mis-diagnosed as 'depression', 'manic depression', bi-polar type 2, leading up to my current diagnosis.

After much studying, three things bout this subject struck me as being profound.

1. In these enlightened times, people are STILL ignorant of mental health issues.

2. Many great authors, past and present, have either shown signs of, or have been attributed with some form of mental illness.

3. People - including many writers of today, are ashamed of their diagnosis, and live in fear of their peers or publishers finding out. They suffer alone, in silence, with no support.

Why?

Why is there a such a strong bond between writers and mental illness?

And just what is the connection that binds mental health and writing?

Scientists believe it's apart of the creative process, how artistic, creative people (including writers, artist, dancers, singers, musicians, actors) think 'outside the box', thus making them different from others.

Imagine, if you will, that the left and the right side hemispheres of your brain are like two trains, traveling side by side. They have these little 'connectors' between them that not only communicate, but feed each other as well. If certain neurons have not developed properly to stimulate both sides of the brain, odd things can occur. One of the 'trains' jumps track, throwing everything off. Neurons mis-fire' or go into a state of under production and over production of the brain's chemicals. This results in our mood swings and left unchecked, can result in chaos.

In each person, this activity is on a different production level, releasing or ceasing at different time intervals. It all depends on DNA, outside stress factors and the personal health of the individual.

So what does this have to do with writing?

Did you know famous writers throughout the ages have always had issues with what is now classified as "chemical imbalances within the brain?" They just didn't know what to call it, other than 'odd', 'peculiar behavior' or were misdiagnosed with other illnesses.

Such symptoms as long bouts of insomnia, mood swings of anger, depression, or euphoria, crying lags, extreme eating habits or money management problems (over spending, gambling), unnatural amounts of sex and even issues such as the now labeled 'OCD' or 'ADHD' were a problem then, as they are today.

Not knowing what to do, authors in the past (especially men) would "self-medicate" their manic behaviors with alcohol and some drug use (in the higher classes) or perusing their sexual/spending appetites at an alarming rate. Then, either in guilt or despair, lock themselves away to write.

However, that was then. What about the professional pens of our modern society?

Unfortunately, because of our isolation as writers (though it is better in this day and age of the internet) we are still susceptible to depression and its many forms. And, as in the past, this problem continues to be misunderstood.

Pride gets in the way of taking the diagnosis seriously (if one chooses or can afford - on a writers salary - to see a doctor at all.) Finding the right medication to fit your affliction can take years -- with constant tweaking. Even on medication, there is no guarantee that "everyday" will be free from melancholy. Or swinging. Or the chronic, repetitive behavior.

So we writers sit, day in and day out, alone in our worlds, dealing with these behaviors the best we can and hope it doesn't interfere with our works in progress.But it does. Look at our reactions to writers block. Deadlines. Conferences. The way we treat our family members. The way we react to rejection letters or submission acceptance.

As for my own story, I've been diagnosed since 1989 (24 years old) - and although it was a relief to know it was a legitimate medical condition bearing no fault of my own, it still took me years to take it seriously. I was ashamed (fortunately, the more educated we are as a society, the better we are. However, old habits die hard, and Joe Q Public will take any mental illness out of context and frown upon.) Family members didn't help, as they truly didn't understand what I was going through.

I wasn't faithful staying on my medicine, either. At one point, I was convinced my doctor got his medical degree from a Cracker Jacks Box. After being on the medicine for six months and flourishing in a euphoria of well-being, I would convince myself I was 'cured', therefore, I'd trash the pills. Six months later, I would find myself worse off than before as I continued to spiral down deeper into the dark abyss. I repeated this cycle of self-abuse several times. (I never claimed to be the brightest Skittle in the rainbow!)

Then, a concerned friend told me: "You know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

Ouch! That hit home. All those years of denying I was 'crazy' - and here I was traveling in a vicious circle doing the same damn thing over and over. I was still ashamed. I mean, I may be wild and crazy, but to be classified as mentally ill? That label carries huge amounts of stigma. (Up until 1973 - homosexuality was classified as a mental health disease.) I didn't want people to know.

An other friend pointed me in this direction. "If you have a heart attack, you go to the heart doctor. If you have lung cancer, you go to a specialist. If you need surgery on your knee, you go to a knee surgeon. Heart, eyes, knees...they're all an important part of the human body - and if these parts get sick or injured, you're expected to take care of them with medication and what ever.

"...So, what about your brain? The most important, complex organ in your body. If it gets sick or hurt, you need to take the medication and see a psychologist. It only makes sense."

After that, I refused to be ashamed of my Bi-polar and manic depression. I openly talk about it, hoping to educate a few minds along the way. I even make jokes about my medication - which rattles some folks, but we gotta do what we gotta do, to be at ease with our bodies. I finally learned to accept my cross in this life. I have bi-polar. It is also complicated with manic tendencies. It's not going away, and I need to be on medication in order to live a productive life. So far, I've been on my medication for 3 years straight (the longest ever.) It's a good thing, but still, even on medications, I have my 'days' where 'impending doom' looms over my head, and I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear forever.

And as I have been more open about this malady - many other writers (aspiring and professional) have contacted me, admitting they too, have been diagnosed with some form of mental health issue. And they are bewildered. Ashamed. And afraid of what it will do to their careers if their publishers or their readers found out.

I believe with all my heart, this has gotta stop!

Writers with depression symptoms - or any mental health issues, need to support each other. In fact, I would love to see a workshop on it someday - or even a website/yahoo group. You know, a place for writers who suffer from the many forms of depression (from the PMS, postpartum, going through a grieving process down to the Manic to the full-blown Bi Polar) would benefit from having a place to share with others in the same boat.

I mean, nobody understands better than somebody who has been there, done that, and still has bouts. Double therapeutic if the persons they talk with are also writers, going through the same thing. Mental Health issues touch us all, whether we are writers, have family members who are diagnosed, or suffer ourselves.

Are you (or do you know of) a writer who has mental health issues? It could be just depression, or it could be bi-polar, or a number of other oddities. How do you (they) handle it? Do you think the time has come for writers to face this demon? Do you think a writers group for mental health would be a good thing, or would it harm the authors career?

I'm curious to see some answers on this topic.